Going through a divorce is challenging, and it is especially challenging for children as they often might not understand the reasons for the separation. There are many new things and adjustments they would have to make.
Having to explain what is going on to children adds to the hardship of a divorce. While you want to be entirely honest with them, you also have to comfort them and protect them from the intricate and complex details of the divorce.
Parents are the pillars in a child’s life, and they can be devastated to hear about their family being apart. So, as a parent, it is your job to comfort them and tell them about the divorce in the best possible way.
Here are some tips on how to help children during a divorce.
Break the news together as a couple
The first part is conveying the news of your divorce to your children. Firstly, you have to ensure that you do this as a couple. You must find common ground with your partner before talking to the children. Consider the possible questions they might ask and prepare a common answer for them.
It might be difficult as parents to tell the children about the divorce, but you have to present a united front even in such turbulent times to make the children feel secure and comfortable.
Ensure that you emphasize that you love them and that the divorce is not their fault, but it is common for adults to drift apart and fall out of love.
Lastly, you must omit the details of the divorce that are personal and highlight the bad aspects of the other parent. You must provide them with a basic reason without getting into the details. Once they are mature enough to understand the complexity of the relationships, you can explain it to them.
Provide them with a safe space to share their feelings
Once you have told them about the divorce, you must observe their reaction to the news and give them space to express their feelings or emotions. If you cannot comfort them, then it is a viable option to consider counseling from a professional. A counselor will be able to help them navigate their feelings in a better way.
Be involved in their routine
You must closely observe their routines as any changes in their routine could be a sign that they are not adjusting well to the divorce.
If they continue to follow the same routine, it will give your children a sense of normalcy and help them deal with the divorce better.
Try to become an integral part of their routine and become involved in their daily activities. It could be dropping them to school or picking them up from football practice.
Encourage independence
If you’re dealing with a teenager, then you have to give them their independence. By letting them make basic decisions themselves, you instill confidence in them, and it gives them a sense of competence and accomplishment.
Let them choose their clothes, give them the freedom to walk to school, or choose their summer job. It will boost their confidence and help them deal with parental divorce and other turbulent situations in life.
Do not demonize the other person.
No matter whose fault the divorce was, you must paint a good picture in the child’s head. You should never tell the children whose fault it was or who is to blame for the divorce. Ensure that you do not talk badly about the other parent, no matter the situation.
You must not put your child in a situation where they have to take a side or choose a parent.
So, these are some tips on how to help children during divorce. Ensure that you are always present for your children at all times. Assure them that everything will stay the same and show them how much you love them.
